Rage Control Techniques
by BeastCorbin
Summary: Dee tries to deal with reoccurring anger issues, will his choices destroy his relationship with Ryo? Will it destroy his chosen scapegoat? What is Ryo hiding? sadomasochism and abuse R&R please!
1. The Plunge

Disclaimer: FAKE belongs to Sanami Matoh, not me.

The Plunge

**Dee's POV**

I hadn't felt like this in years. The old rage was coming back, and I didn't want it to. I don't want it to happen again. I must be too stressed from work.

I gazed across my desk at Ryo. It couldn't happen, I took a breath to relieve some of the pressure in my chest. I scanned the room, surprisingly busy for a Wednesday night. On their trip my eyes met JJ's. He smiled. No. I brought my eyes back to Ryo, he was too busy to notice my stare.

"I was thinking of taking up Drake's offer to go out for drinks when we get off." I offered. Ryo finally looked at me, frowning.

"I was kind of hoping for a quiet night in." I pouted at him, he simply rolled his eyes at me. That settled it, according to him.

"Well, I'm going out. You don't have to come." Ryo seemed hurt for a split second, then he sealed the cracks in his mask, and he was gone.

"Fine." How he could be so cold to me, I didn't know. I did everything for him. Aside from paperwork, but he enjoys that enough for both of us once he gets in the groove. I let him move in with me, I was constantly saving his ass on cases, I was more generous a lover with him than I had ever been before. What more did he want from me?

I could go out with the guys. Not like we had any special plans tonight or anything, so why not? Plus, I could use a night to let out a little of my intensity. The rest of the shift dragged on. I couldn't concentrate, I was feeling more and more agitated at Ryo's silence.

"I think I'll actually take some of the files home tonight to look over. You plan on being home late, right?"

"If you love your files so much why don't you move in with _them_?" I snapped. Ryo's eyes widened.

"A little uncalled for, Dee." I had to bite my lip to keep from snapping again. I wish he would talk to me about something other than work.

"Why don't you fucking talk to me anymore?" I tried to whisper so I didn't sound as pissed as I was.

"I talk to you." He seemed concerned, but I could only tell because I knew him so well. Anyone else would have met a stone wall trying to get any inkling of emotion out of him.

"Yeah, about work. Only." Ryo opened his mouth, and shut it again. I checked the clock, shift was ending. "See you when I get home." I said dryly, standing to clock out.

I caught Drake by the shoulder on his way out the door with JJ, Ted, and Ted's new partner, James.

"I decided to join you after all." I told him.

"That's great! It's been a long time since you and Ryo came out with us!"

"It's just me." I corrected. "Ryo has some files to go over or something."

"Yay!" JJ squealed, grabbing my arm.

"I'm guessing you're going to be my escort tonight." I grinned, playing a little more friendly than I usually do. It felt a little sleazy, I glanced over my shoulder at Ryo. He stood facing us, watching us all go. The fourth shift shuffled in while he collected his papers.

"Better get going, they only have specials for the next 30 minutes." Ted was saying, edging us toward the door. You could always count on Ted to get our intoxication levels going good on the cheap.

Bernie's Bar was the place to be if you were a cop. It was full of the older, mustached baldies most of the time. Wednesday however, was karaoke night and the usual crowd didn't appreciate our slurred songs and raucous behavior.

It was an average karaoke Wednesday, drinks flowing, laughter. I could feel the knots in my shoulders unwinding.

"First round on me." James cheered as we made our way to the bar. Ted got lucky with his new partner.

We each found our niche as the night wore on. JJ and I stayed around the bar, sharing low conversation about our separate cases. For a while we even danced to a few choice songs. The other three did their rounds on stage and kept more toward the singers, cheering on regulars and each other. Around 1:30 the crowds were thinning, and we were all pretty deep in our last beers for the night and feeling good.

"So, Dee." JJ smiled. "I've been meaning to ask you something, I hope it doesn't make things awkward."

"Go on." I finished my beer and reached for my wallet. JJ leaned closer, and glanced over my shoulder, presumably to make sure no one we knew was in ear shot. We were both a little wobbly, I doubted anyone who came up to us would care much what we said anyway.

"Why wouldn't you give me a chance? Not one, not even at Academy." I peered into his face. Why hadn't I given JJ a chance? He was cute, he clearly likes me. A lot. I remembered why.

"You're annoying." I wondered what Ryo was doing right now. Probably sleeping, he was such an angel. And then there was me. Drunk. In a bar. Talking about chances with a guy who has a sizable crush on me. It was despicable.

"Dee!" JJ whined, "We could have worked on that, I could have been better." I raised my eyebrows and he covered his mouth. Well, I had the power to shut him up, apparently. I wondered what else I could make him do. My blood began to boil thinking about how vile I was. Adrenaline flooded me and I laid my bills on the bar.

That's about when our co-workers pounced us, laughing and hanging on our shoulders. They told us they were heading out. I told them we were doing the same, JJ's eyes met mine and he quickly paid his tab.

It was pure happenstance that, once outside, the three of them went left toward Drake's apartment while JJ and I both live to the right. He and I walked in tense silence for most of the way. His apartment would be the first one we get to.

"If I were to be less annoying... Well, I can't really ask, it's inappropriate."

"Just ask." I watched his silhouette fumble over his words for a moment.

"I know you have Ryo, so it's not really like anything could ever happen... but, if you had told me back at Academy that I annoyed you so much, well, do you think anything could have, uh, happened? Between us?" His nervousness reminded me of Ryo. Ryo and his silence. I didn't mind JJ's talking, it was the pouncing and proclamations of love that had bugged me. We walked in a more comfortable silence while I mulled it over.

I had always thought his behavior toward me was some way of getting attention, not just from me. JJ was a sensitive guy, he could be extraordinarily sweet. When we got to his building I could only focus on how his lips felt when he had managed to kiss me those few times.

We stood facing each other, JJ fidgeted with his jacket zipper, waiting for my reply.

"If not, y'know, I understand." He he mumbled, lowering his eyes and I thought I had seen small glistening tears in his eyes. My God, emotion.

"I have a lot of anger." I confessed, unexpectedly. I took myself by surprise.

"At me?" JJ was getting more worked up about it than I expected.

"No. In general. And Ryo's just so vanilla..." What was I getting at? JJ stared at me confusedly, I couldn't take it anymore. The rage welled in me, fueled by alcohol and a weird kind of desire.

I grabbed JJ hard by the face so I could get a better look in his eyes. He hardly made a sound, even though I knew I was hurting him.

"Are you vanilla too?" I demanded, pushing myself against him, pinning him against the wall. I was so close to kissing him I could feel his breath on my lips, his mouth invited me, but I resisted. His eyes were wide and unfocused, he lowered them slightly and shook his head. I released him and smiled wildly, I was starting to feel deranged, and I was loving it. "What do you like?"

"Should we talk about this here?" His hands were shaking and he seemed uncomfortable. I agreed we should head up to his place. He hadn't fought me, he must be okay with getting a little rough. Once inside, JJ stood at his sink, staring down into the white basin solemnly. I leaned near him. "I used to be into some different things. Role playing, toys." JJ admitted. "Only with people who were very special to me, it's about trust."

"Don't you trust me?" I asked.

"Of course, you've saved my ass a dozen times at work, but it's a different kind of trust, y'know?"

"Could you trust me? If given the chance?" My skin was on fire but nothing I tried could keep the words from spilling out.

"Wait, just what are we talking about, here?" JJ asked, looking up at me. "You can't be- Ryo..."

"It would be best for all of us." What the hell was I saying? "I have pent up aggression that I can't take out on Ryo. You want me." He blushed, "I need it."

"I don't know, Dee. I've never really been involved with anything... aggressive." He rubbed his arm and turned to face me. "And I couldn't get between you and Ryo, someone would find out, it could ruin you guys. I can't be the other man again, I can't."

He was refusing me. It was Ryo all over again. The tension in my chest reached it's peak. I lost it and grabbed JJ by his hair, he gasped and tried to get my hand off him. He failed and I dragged him to his couch. I had been brought back to caveman days. I was taking.

"Dee, you're drunk, what are you-" he was pleading, his words only fanned the sadistic flame in my chest. I threw him down, and unlike Ryo had done in these situations before, he didn't move, didn't fight. It wasn't even about sex for me, I needed the control. Since Ryo and I had become an official couple, since he moved in, he had become the one to decide just about everything. Now it was my turn.

I straddled JJ's lap, he stared up at me, his eyes cloudy. I didn't know if it was desire or shock, what's worse, I didn't care.

"I want you, JJ." I needed him, he'd listen, he'd love it too. "Don't you want me?" The way he looked at me told me he did. I laid JJ's hands to rest on my thighs while I pulled my shirt off. His faced flushed and he tried to touch my stomach. I quickly gripped his hand and squeezed until his brow furrowed in pain. "You do what I say. You don't touch me unless I let you." JJ nodded, entranced. I ran my hands up his body, his chest was heaving, his eyes darted around. I didn't know if it was his nerves or what, but he seemed to be having a hard time getting himself together. "Do you want to kiss me?" I asked, a devilish smile curling my lips.

JJ nodded.

"Beg me for it."

"Please." His voice was hoarse, "Please, Dee-" I un-tucked his shirt enough to get my hands on his hot flesh.

"Please what?" I took a fistful of his skin and pinched, digging my nails into him. His pained face made a reappearance.

"Please kiss me." He squeaked.

"No." I slapped him, not too hard, just enough to teach him. "Beg me to let you kiss me." JJ was flustered, he had clearly never been in a situation like this. I'd give him a good dose of the old, dangerous Dee.

Class was in session.

"Strip from the waist down and give me your tie." I barked, getting off him. "Now!"

JJ hurried to strip, he tried to stretch his shirt down enough to cover his erection. It wasn't happening. He handed me his tie.

"Turn around." He obeyed and I gorged my eyes on his firm rump for a moment before pulling both of his arms behind his back and tying them together so his fingertips were pointing to each elbow. Not the most comfortable position, but it didn't matter. I took off my own belt, JJ seemed to flinch at the sound. "Knees." I demanded.

"Dee-" I grabbed his hair again and pulled him back against me.

"You do as I fucking say." I growled, unbuttoning his shirt feverishly, belt over his shoulder. I pulled his shirt down off his shoulders and took my belt in my hand. "You know what happens when you disobey, JJ?"

"No." he panted, his voice unsure if it should have come out.

I tightened my grip on his hair and twisted so he was facing the hand with the belt in it and forced him to his knees. I let loose one hard slap with the belt and JJ cried out. I watched the long red lash mark appeared across his chest and hit him with it again, and I could feel my blood pounding through me. It felt amazing.

JJ was gasping, his eyes tightly shut, turmoil and pain in his face. It was a beautiful sight. Before I knew it, my fly was undone and I was pushing my way down JJ's throat. This seemed more his speed and he worked on me with a zeal I rarely saw from Ryo. Thoughts of Ryo triggered disgust with myself and I leaned down enough to pull JJ's shirt up, off his back. I hit him with the belt three more times, each time earning a sound from him that resonated through my belly and down to my toes. I was getting close, but I wasn't done with JJ yet. I pulled his mouth off me, a rope of spittle connected us for a second before wearing thin and breaking.

JJ's face was red, spit glistened on his chin when he stared up at me. I couldn't make out what he held behind those eyes. He seemed fearful, but I could make out the desire. I shed my pants, had him kiss my hips, my thighs, and let him wet me up. I had him turn to face away from me, he was already so obedient, and pulled the back of his shirt over his head so it would cover his face. I pushed him down so his face was on the carpet and held him there, bum in the air. I stroked him roughly, earning moans of appreciation, while I let my precum drip down his inner thigh. I had him under my spell. A few more slaps with the belt rang out while I pleased him, programmed him. Pain and pleasure together. That's what I had to offer him, and he was gong to take it.

I slid a couple fingers into him and felt him lose himself. He moaned my name while he came and I stared down at my still throbbing member.

"You didn't tell me you were close." I snapped.

"I- I'm sorry, Dee." His muffled voice panted. My frustration took over and I gripped his arm hard, pulling him to his feet, "Oww!" he cried, but I didn't care. I tore the shirt off his head, yanking his head back and tearing the shirt.

"I needed this!" I shouted, pulling the tie off his arms harshly. JJ hissed in pain, but didn't fight. "You little piece of shit!" In a rage I flung him at the couch once more, he hit it hard and fell to the ground.

Next thing I knew I woke up in bed next to Ryo, who was sleeping soundly. I prayed it had been a nightmare. That the things I had felt the previous evening had not happened. And JJ... what had I done?

There was only one way to find out. I rose, woke Ryo, and showered alone before we headed out to work.

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A/N:  
It's been a very long time since I posted anything, but here you go, hope my style isn't too rusty. R&R plz!

-Aeopteryx


	2. The Locker Room

Disclaimer: Sanami Matoh owns FAKE.

The Locker Room

**Ryo's POV**

Something was bothering Dee. He seemed agitated but didn't want to talk to me about it, I guess. He kept scanning the office and checking his watch.

"Did something happen last night?" I asked, setting down the file I had just opened. "You wouldn't say a word to me when you got home."

"You were awake?" Dee stared at me incredulously, I returned the look.

"I was still looking over our new case." I frowned at him. "Which, by the way, is something we need to talk about. I've been looking over one of the witness' testimony. Judging from the people they associate with, I'm pretty sure they'd be able to give us some direction." I reread a few paragraphs. "We might even be able to get a suspect in today for an interrogation. I know how much you enjoy those." I looked up at Dee to see him staring hard at me. "What?"

"Is it really that noticeable?" He asked me severely.

"Is what so noticeable?"

"Have you seen JJ at all today?" JJ? "He and I had a pretty intense... chat. I'm just a little worried."

"Why, was he in trouble?" A pretty intense chat, indeed. It must have been to get Dee this worked up. "Do you think he'd be hurt?"

"No, well, I don't know." He confessed. "I blacked out when I was with him... He seemed alright at the time, but something could have... you know?" I didn't know so I shrugged.

"You could ask Drake if he's seen him." Dee was gone from our table like a shot.

Dee was probably over-stressed from being out so late and getting so drunk. He had probably just blown the conversation with JJ way out of proportion. Even if he had, it didn't mean I couldn't watch their interaction from my desk. Judging from his gestures I concluded that Drake had not seen JJ today, and Dee should ask Chief. When Dee rushed off to Chief's office I grinned to myself, proud of my perception skills.

I picked up the phone and dialed our witness.

**JJ's POV**

Last night had shaken me. It rattled me so bad I made sure to arrive late, avoid Drake, and take refuge in the locker rooms. None of my close co-workers ever came in here, only beat cops coming or going. It felt safe. I chose one of the corners no one ever claimed.

I had never been treated like that by anyone before, and I didn't know how to feel about it. And for Dee, who had never even given me a sideways glance before, to even consider...

I leaned against a locker door, the pressure on the welts on my back brought back a little of the pain, making me smile. I slid to the floor, letting the locks and ridges bring last night back to me, the memory was so intense I could practically taste Dee. I sat for a moment in a daze, jumping from scene to scene in my head. I closed my eyes and the memory of my front door slamming came back to me-

SLAM!

I jumped, my eyes flew open and I listened apprehensively to the clacking of approaching footsteps. Dee rounded the corner and hesitated. I struggled awkwardly to get to my feet. He came to me and helped me up. I winced at the burning in my wrists when he grabbed them.

"Are you okay?" Dee asked me, sincerely concerned. I was about to nod, until I remembered the terms we had parted on.

"I'm fine." I tried to push past him, but he grabbed my arm in a tight grip. Fear pumped through me and I tensed up.

"What did I do?" Dee asked me, his eyes pleaded with me.

"You were there." I mumbled, backing into the metal behind me, as far as I knew he was going to snap on me again.

"Look, JJ." He said, getting very close to me. "I'm going to level with you, alright?" I nodded. "I used to have this problem. Okay? I was an angry, angry child. And I developed a rage problem when I was a teen. I had just gotten over it when we met. If my anger gets bad enough, I black out."

I tried to process this. "So you don't remember last night?"

"I remember you. You-" he lowered his voice and kept it low, "You came. And I got angry. I started losing it, and I don't remember any more."

"You hurt me." I told him. "You threw me around, you broke a couple things trying to throw them at me, and then you left. After you told me I was a mistake. That I'm not good enough." I tried not to choke on my tears, I didn't even want him to know how he had made me feel. I didn't even want to know, after how alive he had made me feel before that.

"I'm so sorry." His eyes said the same and I attempted a smile. "That wont happen again, it wasn't you. I've had a lot on my mind lately, it was just the last straw, you know?"

"I get it." I assured him. He wiped a tear from my face and ruffled my hair.

"Did I at least give you a good time before I went berserk?" His soft eyes and puppy-dog expression once again won me over.

"Dee," I begged softly, "Please." I heard the nearly immediate change in his respiration. He grabbed the locks on either side of me, trapping me. He moved closer, eyes on mine. "Please, Dee..." My own breath changed as he forced his body on mine, triggering all the pains from the night before. "God, please-"

The door slammed open again and we both froze, breath caught in our throats. Beat cops on the other side of the locker room hustled in, laughing and chatting. They would have no reason to come over here. Dee met the challenge in my eyes and he rubbed himself against me, I bit my lip to keep from moaning, a small gasp escaped my throat. "Can I touch you?" I whispered.

"You may." he answered quietly. A couple showers flicked on in the distance, the chattering continued to drown us out. I slid my hands around his waist and up his back.

I continued indirectly begging Dee. He was starting to get antsy. After one of my soft pleas he shook his head violently and punched the locker next to me. Jarring me from the dreamlike state I had been lulled into by his sweet lustful eyes.

"Hey what's goin' on over there!" We heard one of the cops shout.

"What do you want?" Dee whispered hastily, I opened my mouth, but my reply didn't come out and he grabbed me by the the face like he had last night. "What do you want?" He screamed, twisting one of my arms hard up against my welts.

"Please let me kiss you- Let me, please Dee-" I could tell my face was contorted in pain, and my voice came out agonized.

"Hey, I said what the hell's going on over there!" Came the voice again, accompanied by approaching footsteps. Dee lunged at my lips, he twisted my arm harder until I was nearly crying while our mouths worked hard against each other. We broke our kiss and he backed a reasonable distance away from me just as one of the beat cops came around the corner. Dee quickly let go of my wrist and the cop gave us a funny look.

"We needed to talk privately, okay? JJ's having lady trouble." Dee announced. I blushed, trying not to give us away.

"Ah, well, good luck then." he left us.

"That was a little too close." Dee told me. "Next time let me know what you want and I will give it to you if and when I decide to." He pecked my cheek sweetly and wiped my tears. "We need another night like last night. Promise I wont get so mean. Come out whenever you feel up to it." With that, Dee left me there.

I didn't know if I could trust him not to get so mean. I tried to stretch my twisted arm, it felt so stiff. It took another couple of minutes to regain full use and my composure.

Dee had actually kissed me. He kissed me. I was somewhat stunned. There had been an unfortunate lack in kissing last night. I touched my swollen lips and swooned just a little, took a deep breath and made my way out to my desk.


	3. Boyfriends

Disclaimer: Sanami Matoh owns FAKE.

Also- Sorry for the short chapter last time, and thanks to my few readers for making it to the 3rd chapter.

* * *

Boyfriends

**Dee's POV**

What was I doing? JJ was my friend, I didn't need to be fooling around like this. Someone was bound to get hurt, this was stupid, I should just suck it up and talk to Ryo about my anger. But it was so easy to get JJ right where I wanted him. Ryo would put up this impenetrable wall... I watched Ryo dialing away, trying to get a hold of the witness he wanted.

"She must have moved or something." He set the receiver down and sighed. "None of these numbers are working."

"Maybe she fled." I muttered.

"I hope not, that's our star witness." He set his temple in his palm and pouted.

"So, you going to brief me, or do I have to guess what kind of case we're investigating?" I said lowly, leaning back in my chair and running my hands through my hair, trying to take my mind off how JJ's body had felt while it quaked against me not ten minutes ago. I glanced toward his desk, he was leaning over it to talk to Drake on the other side, giving me a strangely arousing profile.

"Double homicide, drug deal gone bad, the usual." Ryo answered. "The family was in the house, they weren't hurt, only one eye-witness. She said she didn't recognize the perp, but the previous detectives they had working on the case had reason to believe she was protecting someone."

"Mm hm." I tore my eyes back to Ryo. "What, like a boyfriend?"

"Someone in her family, more likely. Her distant cousin was visiting when it happened, but his alibi checked out. It's a very tight-knit family, it looks like. They claim he was sleeping in their basement when the homicide occurred. But he has drug ties in D.C., which leads me to believe it was some sort of turf thing."

"Sounds plausible." I sighed, staring at Ryo while he scanned more files. Maybe if I tried to get at him tonight he'd let me. It could have been spite that drove me to use JJ last night, maybe I wasn't as angry as I thought I was. Or maybe I had just gotten it out of my system for now by hurting JJ in the locker room. I closed my eyes and tried to gauge what I felt like.

I was angry that JJ had almost gotten us caught by not doing it right and making me hit the locker, which my hand was still hurting from. I was angry that Ryo still insisted on only talking about work. I was frustrated knowing that if I tried anything with Ryo, even if I was sweet about it, he'd shoot me down. I was distressed that I couldn't tell Ryo about any of this. I couldn't even nibble one of his lips without him giving me shit about being mean or rough or whatever.

So, yeah, I did need JJ. But I would still keep things going good with Ryo. I love him, for Christ's sake, he's beautiful and responsible and wonderfully sexy without meaning to be, he just wouldn't be able to handle the side of me JJ could. And I couldn't do those cruel things to him without him saying it was okay, it would break my heart and his if I forced it on him.

JJ may be the one thing that could hold me and Ryo together through this.

Ryo picked up the phone again. "Maybe if I try her family members.." I hadn't realized I had been staring at Ryo all the time I had spent in my head. I took a file from his desk and poured over it.

"My God, Dee doing work?" Ryo chided playfully. I couldn't help but glare at him.

"I get paid, don't I? I do plenty of work." I grunted. It was silent a moment while we both looked over files, I searched for loopholes in the cousin's statement.

"So, what happened with JJ?" Ryo asked offhandedly.

"What do you mean?" I replied too quickly.

"You ran off to find him 'cause you thought something might have happened to him?" He reminded me, raising an eyebrow. "I'm assuming you found him." His eyes flicked over and mine followed his toward JJ's desk again and my loins tightened, remembering his furrowed brow, his breath, the tears reflecting in his glassy eyes.

"He's fine." I answered, licking my lips and staring blankly at the papers in front of me. "He was hiding, you know. But I found him and talked to him. So he's okay now."

"What was wrong?" Ryo asked. One thing I adore him for and at the same time absolutely hate is the way Ryo is always, without fail, genuinely concerned with anyone going through any kind of hardship. I guess it's one of those things that makes him such a great law enforcer, but sometimes, like now, it could really grind my last nerve.

"Boyfriend trouble." First thing that came to mind. Stupid. "I walked him home and his boyfriend got jealous, he thought JJ was cheating or something. He's kind of a control freak, but whatever makes JJ happy, right?" I wanted to slap myself, I might as well have told Ryo everything. He looked up from his papers in disbelief.

"I didn't even know JJ was dating." Ryo tilted his head and his eyes roamed over to JJ.

"Yeah, they're relationship is pretty hush-hush, so don't tell anyone. I wasn't even supposed to tell you." Maybe I could play this off. It was worth a try.

"Is the guy married or something? Like that other one JJ got involved with?" My, my. I never realized what a gossipy little lady Ryo could be. I smiled at him, it really is the little things about him that get me.

"Something like that."

"He looks so happy." Ryo set his chin on his hand, gazing at JJ across the room. My gaze followed his and I noticed it too. JJ smiled so much, he was radiant. It was quite a sight to see, actually. He talked animatedly to Drake who seemed a little off-put, either by his energy or whatever he was saying. His laugh made it to our ears and Drake shook his head. Ryo sighed, a smile softening his eyes. I couldn't help taking a strange pleasure in watching the love of my life enjoy how happy I seem to have made my toy. "Looks like love. Do you think we ever look that happy?"

"Don't know." I would hope so.

"We should have them over for dinner!" Ryo exclaimed. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. I tried again.

"I don't think that will work very well." I managed. "JJ's boyfriend will be busy. It's like that Joel guy he dated a while back."

"Why JJ goes after married men is beyond me." Ryo let out a breath and leaned back in his own seat. He examined me and sighed again. "They don't ever pay off."

"Maybe he wants it that way." I shrugged, "His choice." I muttered, forcing myself not to look over at JJ again, guilt rising in my chest. It wasn't his choice. If he had a choice he would not have intervened in our relationship. I had made that choice for him, I took that away from him. Power flooded my chest and the feeling was so warm it negated my guilt.

Ryo stood and moved around our desk to kiss me. I hadn't expected it, but he was being sweet so I couldn't complain. I leaned back to meet his lips and was even more surprised when he settled himself in my lap, one arm around my shoulders. I breathed in his gentle scent and was left breathless when he let go of my lips. I had been craving him, his mild demeanor, his soft touch. He beamed at me and I rested my forehead on his shoulder.

"You're being so open." I grinned to myself, squeezing him around his middle. "I like you like this."

Ryo shifted and I glanced up at his porcelain face, his light skin was stained pink. "I wanted to let you know I love you." he murmured, lowering his head bashfully. I buried my face in his neck and tightened my grip on him, inhaling him. I opened my eyes and found JJ peering at me. The devastation on his face was hardly hidden.

_Don't feel bad_, I told myself._ Don't feel bad, Ryo's my boyfriend, not JJ. He had to have known how it was going to be between us_. JJ turned his chair away from me and put his head down.

Ryo left my lap and continued work. The weight stayed where he had been, rooting me to the chair. The gravity I felt when I was with Ryo was like nothing I had ever felt, doubts about JJ were beginning to stir in my belly. When JJ finally felt alright enough to pull himself upright again I caught his eye as subtly as I could and mouthed that I was sorry. Why I was apologizing for enjoying my boyfriend's affection, I couldn't say.

He nodded and gave me a half-smile, letting me know he understood.

**Drake's POV**

"Dee met him." JJ was saying. "He said he likes him. He thinks he's perfect for me."

"Good to hear." I answered, put off by JJ's flustered demeanor. Something was weird here.

"He needs me." JJ smiled obnoxiously wide. "Isn't that great?"

"Great." I was less than enthusiastic. It was weird enough when he sprung it on me that he had a boyfriend. It got weirder when he said that he had told Dee about him. First off, why hadn't he told _me_ he had even met someone? Why hadn't he told me they were close enough for the guy to be waiting for him, at JJ's place, to get home from a bar? I should have been the first person he told. Why would he tell _Dee_? I could feel the jealousy on me like I was wearing a thick coat of Tiger's Balm on my skin.

JJ didn't spend a great deal of time outside of work to himself, he was a bit of a workaholic, actually. I thought he would have noticed my advances on him, I made any and every excuse I could to touch him. If he wanted to hang out and I had plans I'd manage to get out of them, and still he turned a blind eye to the closest thing to him. He preferred to continue drooling over Dee or chatting at me about his latest hookup, which were very few and very far between. I'll admit I was being subtle with him, after all, I had never hit on a guy before JJ.

I noticed JJ's eyes dart toward Dee's desk. It was something I had become accustomed to, being his partner. Not that it didn't bug me, but now that he has a boyfriend he shouldn't be-

I stared him down, hurt and angry that he would be checking out Dee the way he was, eyes completely glued! Practically undressing him with his eyes, and with that cruel grin... He noticed my gaze.

"JJ, what are you doing?" I asked him firmly. He faced me nervously.

"What do you mean?" He asked, playing innocent. "I was just looking."

"Looking? You were practically drooling. You know you shouldn't be looking like that now that you're unavailable." I raised an eyebrow at him, charm dialed up to level 11.

"You're right." He murmured, casting one last longing glance in Dee's direction. "No more Dee." JJ looked up at me from under his long lashes shyly, then grinned. "I'm so lucky to have you Drakey, you keep me in line."

"Someone needs to." I mumbled. I just wish he could actually _see me_.

"I'm not that bad." I said pathetically, and he waved a hand at me. "You don't give me so much credit, but I can handle myself better than you think."

Yeah, "Right." I sighed and set my chin on my palm, taking in his languid movements. He seemed happy. Happier than he was yesterday, with all his fruitless pining over Dee... I frowned. Dee _did_ walk JJ home last night, maybe something had... no. Dee wouldn't fool around on Ryo, not with JJ especially. Dee wouldn't do that. He loves Ryo with everything he has, and there's no way he'd use JJ like that.

The second half of our shift I spent some time alone in the shooting range. I couldn't focus enough to shoot off more than a couple rounds, so I sat in the back with the noise-canceling headphones on, just thinking about JJ.

I tried to relax but I couldn't keep my mind off the heaviness in my chest. If he hasn't already noticed my feelings for him there's a slim chance he ever will. If he has noticed he hasn't shown me the feeling is mutual, so there was no hope for me. Either way, I lose. There's no way he'd go for me, this new guy he has makes him happy, I should just be happy for him. For them. I felt the need well in me to talk to this new boyfriend. Just to let him know how special JJ is, and that if he did something stupid and hurt him in any way I'd hunt him down and rip his fucking guts out, badge be damned.

Our shift took too long to end, I wanted to be alone. I wanted to feel the upset like I couldn't at work, get it out of my system. Regardless of my desire to isolate, I invited JJ for drinks. He declined with a polite smile that tugged at my heart-strings. For a moment I thought I was going to break down in front of him but I just turned and fled, tail between my legs.

I sat in my car for several minutes before I pulled myself into my apartment, feet dragging. I threw myself on my couch and it wasn't long before I was sobbing. This was dumb, JJ had me bawling like a teenage girl with a crush. It was ridiculous, how could he be destroying me like this?

I decided dinner wasn't necessary, so I lay on my couch flipping through channels blankly until sleep finally overcame me.

**Ryo's POV**

Once our shift ended Dee was quick to usher us home. It was clear what he had on his mind, since I kissed him at work he had been out of sorts. He kept trying to kiss me in the file room and managed to sneak a grope or two in the hallway.

No way to get out of it tonight, I know what he gets like when he's in one of these moods. There was no saying no. Dee pushed me against the door jam to our bedroom, kissing me hard. I had to squirm to the side so he didn't crush my head.

"Calm down a little." I asked quietly. He pursed his lips at me and hurried me to the bed. My nerves bristled a little, like they do every time lovemaking seemed imminent. He was rushed, trying to feel every bit of me at once. Dee mauled my lips like I was quickly going out of style and I let him lay me down. It was flattering he could lust after me so ferociously, but it felt a little excessive. I wasn't starving him of affection, was I? It had only been a week or two since we were last intimate. I had had a lot on my mind lately, he must understand.

Dee pulled at my shirt, he was shaking. I took one of his hands in mine and helped him unbutton my shirt. Being as impatient as ever, he fought me the whole way, trying to do it himself. Before we even finished my shirt he was wrestling with my pants, this was getting out of hand. "Dee." I murmured, pushing back on his shoulder so he would stop or slow down or something.

"What?" He snapped. I was slightly taken aback by his tone.

"Take it easy." I answered softly, "We have all night." Dee frowned but nodded, leaving me to wonder _why the frown?_ while he worked on getting my pants off. I finished my shirt buttons and began slipping it off when Dee stopped me with a hand on my arm.

"Leave it." He said sternly, surprising me again. I had only heard that dark little note in his voice during interrogations. I didn't know how to react to it, so I tried to let it go. Dee climbed off me and pulled me by my ankles to the edge of the bed, forcing my shirt to pool under my head. The fabric yanked at my armpits painfully and I reached up to grip Dee's shoulders, trying to stop the pain. "Is it hurting?" He must have noticed my face, I nodded. He tugged the pits of my shirt until I told him I was okay. He left it haloing behind my head, which was fine I guess.

Dee knelt next to the bed, his hands ran over my stomach, sending chills up my spine. I ached for him to touch me. I could feel his breath when he exhaled, cooling the heat between my legs. The sensation was torturous. I wriggled and tried to guide one of Dee's hands to me where I needed it most. He withdrew his hand from mine and lowered his head, his mouth teased me to a point of near agony before it took me in my entirety.

"God, I love you Dee." I moaned, letting my eyes roll shut with the pleasure of his muscles working on me. He prepped me gently until I could no longer hold back my soft noises. Dee pulled back from me and I intuitively brought my knees up, setting myself up for his favorite position while he undressed. He guided himself into me, causing a hot sweat to break out over me immediately. I bit my lips to keep quiet, Dee bent my knees over his shoulders and settled himself over me. He filled me and planted kisses across my collar bones and up my neck. Dee pushed slowly, giving me every inch of himself. I slid my hands over his strong chest, up into his hair to guide his mouth to mine. He held strong and wouldn't kiss me.

I opened my eyes. His eyes were glued to the fabric around my head. The hand that wasn't working on my impending orgasm was stroking the folds of my shirt.

"Kiss me." Dee's eyes flitted to mine then back to the shirt. He didn't kiss me, he just pushed a little faster and sped up the hand on me. He looked distracted and it was starting to bother me now. "Should I take it off?" I asked, making to move.

"No." He didn't stop, didn't slow down, and he somehow sucked me back into the groove of things by kissing me. I let his attitude drift to the back of my mind. The tight knot in my belly was working it's way to its peak, I peered at Dee from under my lashes, expecting his love-stricken face to be the thing to push em over the edge- He was staring at my shirt again, only now he was tugging at it slightly. I was beyond the point of no return by time the disappointing reality hit me. I lost my seed across my own chest.

Next thing I knew Dee became erratic trying to reach his own bliss and everything disappeared as he pulled my shirt down over my face. The fabric cut into my skin again and I couldn't stop the small hiss from sneaking through my lips.

"Dee-" I struggled to get my bearings, managed to find his arms and clung to him, thoroughly confused. "What are you doing?" I didn't hide the confusion and worry in my voice, I thought he should know about it. I felt him pulsing inside me, the low moan that escaped him confirmed that he had finished.

"I'm sorry." He panted, draping himself on me. I moved the shirt off my face and found Dee watching me from where he was nuzzling my shoulder. "It was an accident."

It was no accident, I knew. But I couldn't make heads or tails of it, so I didn't let on that I knew he was lying.

"I love you." Dee whispered. "I didn't mean to hurt you." I had been too shocked to even pay attention to the fact he had caused me pain. He wouldn't do that to me on purpose. Maybe my perception was wrong. Maybe it had been an accident.

"I love you too, Dee." I echoed. We quickly relocated to between the sheets and I buried my face in his neck, inhaling his smell. Tobacco, sweat, cologne, Dee. I love his smell so dearly, as if it were my own. I couldn't fathom how I had lived before I moved in with him.

Now I had him every night, all to myself. Life was good. I put the weird things he did tonight out of my mind and was soon drifting off in his arms, a sweet song I'd heard a few days before playing in my head. This is the way it's meant to be.

_When you get tired of holding me tight _

_Remember it's our state of life _

_And when we come down _

_Off our high for the night _

_You don't let go_

_And if you're feeling too close _

_Then we're doin' alright _

_Got you under my clothes _

_Take you out tonight _

_Take you out tonight_

_You're so skin tight _

_Never close enough _

_You're so skin tight _

_Wrap me in your love _

_You're so skin tight_

_Nothin' else sliding _

_Between you and me _

_What's symbiotic _

_Will always be_

_Surrounding each other _

_For eternity _

_And we wont let go_

_So it gets a little hot _

_But the temperature's right _

_I'll take anything you got _

_Cause you're always in my sight _

_Yeah, you're always in my sight_

_Anything less would be too far away _

_I can't reel it back _

_I can't reel it back _

_I can't reel it back_

_Cause you're skin tight _

_Fit me like a glove _

_Skin tight _

_Wrap me in your love._

* * *

a/n: There is more to come with this story- Will Ryo ever find out about JJ? Will Dee overcome his need to let out his pent-up anger? Will Drake tell JJ how he feels?  
R&R por favor!  
-Aeopteryx


	4. Desolation

Pardon for taking as long as I did getting this one out. It's been a process.

This one gets pretty intense, sorry for the camp-out. Enjoy?

* * *

**JJ's POV**

I spent a few days keeping to myself after that first time, treasuring the marks across me. I caught myself at least four times, naked in front of my full-body mirror in my bedroom, running my fingers over the lightening marks across my chest, the pink on my wrists from my own tie. It was hard to believe Dee had had his hands on me, that he had left these here for me. He didn't need to be as forceful as he had been with me that night, though. I would have done anything he asked of me. Thinking about it nearly brought me to tears, I couldn't explain the mixture of emotions running through me.

Elation plagued me most of the time, until I saw Dee with Ryo. That or when I lay in bed at night, wrapped around the shirt Dee had torn. It hadn't been my favorite shirt, but the fact that he had destroyed something of mine must mean he felt passion for me in some form. Right? When I gave myself time to think about it things got a little more confusing. My behavior couldn't have been so bad that it constituted being hurt. I understood that he needed to be in control of something, Ryo had him whipped. It was just upsetting that the control he wanted meant I had to be, well, humiliated. And he made it feel so disgustingly anonymous- Covering my face and not letting me touch him when all I wanted to do was savor his warm skin and gaze into his eyes.

I couldn't help wondering when our next chance would be. At first I thought it might have just been a one-shot thing, and that one night would be all I'd ever have to hold on to. But there had been instances at work over the next few days... He would find me as if he had been seeking me out when I was alone in one room or another. Those were some of the most confusing interactions I had ever been involved in.

A couple days after the locker room he found me in Rose's office, Rose had gone off on a call and I needed an old file from one of his cabinets. I had called him to make sure it was kosher to infiltrate his office and he gave me the go-ahead. Dee must have heard the call or seen me slip in there because I had barely reached the cabinet when I heard the door click open again behind me. He had whispered for me not to turn around, to continue whatever I was doing, and the door clicked shut again. I couldn't help blushing while I bent to dig through a low cabinet, and I felt him against my backside. I could feel the heat under his pants, he was stiff, which took me off-guard. He just stood there, letting me feel him while I tried to remember which letters in the alphabet came first. My fingers fumbled through the files as I became more and more flustered. One of his hands slid around me, feeling my fluttering stomach. I found the file I needed and slowly straightened myself, basking in his body pressing against me. His breath caressed the nape of my neck, setting off more butterflies. He asked if I wanted him, to which I could only nod. "Another time." he had said, and he was gone. I had chalked that one up to him being a tease. It was one of his nicer attacks.

There were other times that felt more like bullying. I didn't care for those. I felt like I had stumbled onto the set of _Secretary_ more than once. He had passed me in the main file room on his way to find a file for his own case. Just as I found the file I was looking for he snatched it, shoved me into the cabinet, and kept walking. I followed him, not wanting to say anything to contradict him, lest he get any meaner, and came around the corner just in time to see him slip it under a cabinet. I stood there for a moment, mouth agape. He just smirked at me and left. It took me a solid ten minutes to get it. I got back to my desk and Dee was there, chatting with Drake like nothing. I was so irritated I wanted to scream, but I clearly couldn't chew Dee out in front of my partner for the weird things he was doing to me, so I sat and ignored him. Trying to focus on on the statements in front of me instead of Dee laughing with Drake, messing with the pens in my pride mug and leaning on my desk, was the most frustrating thing I could imagine. "Find that file?" Dee had asked me, and I could feel the anger bubbling in me. "Don't be rude." He told me, I must have been glaring, and he walked back to his own desk leaving me to stew in my anger.

What's worse is that he had made plans a few times to come over after work. Plans that I had been thoroughly excited about. I was going to cook for him, please him, maybe even convince him to sleep over... the first time I had already cooked our meal by time he texted me saying he would not be coming over after all. The next time I had taken a shower, primped and preened, then got the call. The next time I just waited, ridden with anxiety. Not even a call, he just didn't show. I was losing sleep over it, and he just kept stringing me along.

After a week of this, surely someone should notice something was off. Drake had suspicions from the get-go. As soon as I said the word "boyfriend" to him he looked skeptical. With all the upset Dee caused me at work, I wouldn't be surprised if Drake would catch on, sooner rather than later. He is an excellent detective and is particularly protective of me, but for some reason he wasn't putting two and two together. I almost wanted him to. If it wouldn't have ruined Dee and Ryo's relationship and the possibility of me going all the way with Dee, I might have mentioned something to him.

It was the stupidest, most childish thing ever, but despite all the hassling Dee bestowed on me I still desired him. In some twisted way his teasing and cruelty made me want him more. Maybe I wanted to show him I could be good, I would do what he needed, so he would stop being so mean. I knew it was completely nuts, but I wanted him to love me like he loved Ryo, I ached for it. When I imagined him coming home from work with me, eating dinner with me, just watching the stupid shows on TV, using my shower and wandering around in just a towel- Simple things like that excited me beyond words. The fact that Dee trusted me enough to keep my yap shut about this strange thing we had spoke volumes to me. It was our secret, we were in this together, just us two against the world-

I couldn't think like that. I had to stop. He and Ryo were in love, I had to just take what I could get from him. I might even be able to get him to talk to me. I'd love to hear from him where Ryo doesn't match up to me.

Another week passed. Two weeks now, since he came home with me from Bernie's and all I've gotten were these confusing signals. I couldn't concentrate on work anymore, my performance was slipping. I needed him to touch me again... or something.

I stared dumbly at the papers in front of me, trying to figure out how and when to beg him- no, that was weak, _ask_ him to grace my apartment with his presence again. It would have to be today, I couldn't take much more of this.

"How's the boyfriend?" Drake asked monotonously. He always seemed to know when my mind was on Dee.

"Reggie's fine." I answered. I had given Drake the name of my cousin, it was the first name that came to mind. Fortunately Drake would never have any reason to meet Reggie.

"_You_ don't seem fine." he observed. "That worries me, JJ. You need to stop going after unavailable men, you're only hurting yourself."

"I'm fine." I insisted. "I just need to talk to him tonight. If he can get away from wifey." I almost glanced toward Ryo, but managed to control myself.

"Do you mind if I ask what's been going on between you two?" Drake leaned forward to speak in low tones. I didn't know how to navigate these treacherous waters.

"Well," The eggshells I had to walk on here had edges like glass, "He hasn't come around lately, because of his other half. And he's been playing... mind games or something with me."

"Like what?" I couldn't get into that without completely giving us away. I would have to lie, I hate lying to Drake. For some reason I felt like he could read me like a book.

"I don't want to talk about it." I sighed. Drake raised his eyebrows at me, egging me on with that damn charm he had. "It's like flirting, but... mean. It's hard to explain."

"Well, if he doesn't make it over tonight maybe we can go for drinks, you can tell me all about it. Work isn't really the place." Tell me about it. Drake sat back in his chair and scrutinized me, arms firmly crossed. His foot landed against mine but he didn't move it, making me blush. Straight Drake and his ways would have swept me off my feet long ago if he wasn't... well, straight. Taken can change, straight's a little harder to get past. "Just know you can call me anytime, JJ. Anytime."

"I know, Drake." I tried to focus on work again. "I'll call you if he doesn't come." I glanced up and he seemed to be smiling, even if his lips were hidden behind his coffee mug.

An hour later I watched Ryo leave his desk. Dee was all alone. I excused myself from Drake and made my way over to him, heart pounding. I pressed my palms to the wood of his desk and kept my voice low, doing my best to keep it steady as well.

"Dee." He looked up, mildly surprised to see me. "I need to see you." I breathed.

"You want to see me?" That cruel smirk he'd been giving me for the last couple weeks slid across his face and I almost shuddered. "How badly?" Oh, god.

"I need you. I really do. If nothing else, we need to talk." He set down his pen. Here it comes.

"You have to beg me." More of this. I would have refused, but I wanted him.

"Please, Dee-"

"Get down on your knees, and beg me." You've got to be kidding me.

"We're at work-" I started. He picked his pen up again.

"Then I guess you really don't need to talk to me." He went back to work.

"Jesus, Dee!" I sighed, exasperated by his coolness. I swallowed the lump in my throat and slowly dropped to one knee. I could practically feel my pride seeping out of me, dripping on my shoes and leaving a thick puddle on the floor beneath me. "Dee, please." I nearly whispered, "I really, really need you. Tonight. Please." His eyes roamed my slumped shoulders, I assumed he was mostly reveling in his power over me, his eyes actually met mine for a second.

"Good enough. I'll meet you at your place as soon as I can get there." He turned back to his work without another word.

"For sure? You'll be there this time?" I asked, keeping the hurt out of my voice.

"Promise." I didn't know what a promise from him meant at this point, but it would have to do. I stood and headed back to my own desk, utterly humiliated. It probably didn't look like much to anyone else, but the oppressive weight in my chest told me more had gone on than just a guy kneeling next to his friend's desk. Drake was giving me an odd stare and I realized how it must have looked to him. I pulled out my phone for show and told him I was going to the restroom to make the call to Reggie.

I kind of wished Drake would back off a little. What did this have to do with him? Why did he always have to bud in on my relationships? Sure, he was a great comfort when the relationships ended and he did give some good advice when it was needed, but that didn't mean he could be so nosy. I hid in the bathroom, biding time as if I were making a phone call. When I figured I had spent enough time for a brief argument and reconciliation in there, I went back to my desk. Ryo was back as well, and the day progressed, Drake's eyes only leaving his work to burn holes in me.

Our shift ended, Drake gave me a nod before heading out, and I left for home. One of the best things about living in New York is how close everything seems. I own a bicycle, but rarely use it. Bernie's is only a few blocks away from work, and home is only a couple blocks further. I took my time walking home, doubtful that Dee would actually come over.

Like I thought, I had to wait a couple hours before I got a text from him. I didn't know what to expect when I hit view.

_Be over in a few._ My heart raced, and I hurried to tidy up. I washed my dishes in a flurry, nearly breaking them.

I paced, muted the TV, and paced some more.

It took about fifteen minutes before I heard the quick rap at my door, signaling Dee's arrival. He smelled of beer and sweat. The heat had started lasting into the night, an early Summer was upon us.

"You've been drinking?" I asked, only concerned because of how he had treated me the last time when we were both drunk.

"I had _a_ beer." He muttered, scanning my cramped apartment while I shut the door behind him. I leaned back against the door, admiring him in my living room.

"We need to talk about what we're doing here." I started, heart in my throat and probably on my sleeve as well. Here I go again, giving an unavailable man an ultimatum. I had to stop doing this to myself. I took a breath, "I need to know that you really want this. If not, go home, because I can't take-" Dee silenced me with a wave of his hand.

"I know what I want, JJ. I know what I need, and I know what you need. Did you honestly think I didn't have this planned out?" His eyes tore through mine and I swear I could feel my soul recoil. "I needed to know that you could take a hint. I wanted you to come to me. It took a couple weeks, but I knew you'd come crawling. At the rate you were going I thought it would have actually taken longer."

I was speechless. The last two weeks of my life had been an intricate manipulation. Having always known Dee to be a crafty son of a bitch, I was disgusted with how surprised I was. I was blindsided and I didn't have anything to say about it.

With a jerk of his head he beckoned me, and I went to him. "Strip." I only hesitated for a moment before doing as he asked. I was shaking so hard from nervousness I thought I could hear my teeth clattering together. He examined me and my face burned, despite the air conditioner humming at my window. "Don't look at me." I lowered my eyes and tried to steady my breath, tried to relax. Dee ran a thumb down my jaw and placed a gentle kiss on the tingling trail it left behind. "I was pretty rough on you last time, wasn't I?" I nodded, afraid to speak. His fingers slid over the marks he had left. They were barely visible now, but the tenderness remained. I let the odd pleasure roll my eyes shut. "Does that feel good?" Dee murmured.

"Yes." I breathed, not daring to say anything else.

"I like that." Dee told me, unbuckling his belt slowly. "You like me a lot, don't you JJ?"

"Yes." I said again, eyes on his belt as he slipped it off. He folded it and used it to lift my chin, I still didn't dare to meet his eyes.

"You're so good, JJ. So cooperative." His voice was laced with honeyed poison, it made my blood run cold but I couldn't move. "I think I'll keep you. But I need to know something." He started to take his shirt off and my eyes were glued to his abs, the sharp indentations of his toned hips.

"Anything." I barely got out.

"What do you like about me?"

"You're gorgeous." I blurted, and bit my lip, fully expecting him to be angry with me for speaking so suddenly, but he just grinned. It wasn't the mean expression he had been giving me lately, it was soft, even sweet. He seemed to blush. "You're incredibly smart." I continued, noting his suddenly relaxed demeanor. "You always smell good, you're sexy as hell-" My words were once again silenced, but this time by his warm lips on mine. For a moment my love for him swelled in my chest, then I felt the teeth.

He bit my lip hard. Pain flashed through me, my automatic response was to pull away, but he clamped down harder. I tasted blood. His eyes were on mine the whole time, wide and demented.

"Dee, shtop it!" I pleaded, I was starting to believe he was going to bite clean through my lip, it was agonizing. My hands raked at his face until he finally let go. "What the fuck?" I shouted, tears of pain clouding my vision. I dabbed my lip and sure enough, my fingertips came away spattered with blood.

I didn't see his hand coming, I was too distracted by the blood and he slapped me so hard I lost my balance and fell. The clap echoed around the room. "Shut your fucking mouth." He growled. I stared up at Dee, bewildered. He wiped my blood off his chin and looked at his hand while I touched my stinging face, still stunned, and Dee stooped to my level. I recoiled in sheer terror. It looked like he was going to grab me, the rage in his eyes dancing. "You go to the bedroom and wait for me." He commanded. I didn't move, I couldn't. "_Go!_" He screamed so near my face it jolted me out of my shock and I scrambled into my bedroom. I briefly thought of shutting and locking my door, but feared his wrath. I decided to sit on the bed and wait. As soon as I settled in on the foot of the mattress the adrenaline hit me and I began to shake, and cry. The blood dripped off my chin, dotting my legs while I stifled the sobs that were wracking my body.

What had I done so wrong? Why was he doing this? My mind raced, but only seemed to come back to square one. I had fucked up. But didn't know what I had done. I listened to Dee shuffling around in my kitchen, a plate broke, making me jump.

I suddenly felt extremely vulnerable, sitting here naked, sobbing like a child, just waiting for Dee to come in and do God-knows-what to me. I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them tightly.

Dee appeared in the doorway with an extension cord. I didn't want to know why he had it.

"My God, you're beautiful right now." He practically moaned when he saw me. I didn't understand how I could be beautiful right then, tears and blood smearing my features and probably a red hand print covering the left side of my face. He stepped closer and I scooted back on my bed in fear. "Take it easy." He said soothingly, and I froze. "Come on back." I did as he said, cautiously sitting at the edge of the foot again. Dee stood in front of me, confused feelings stirred in me. He was so sexy to me I felt compelled to touch him, but feared the possible outcome more. So I sat there, tortured by this image in front of me, until he shed his pants. I must have been attractive to him, the sobs still bubbling from between my lips and all, judging by his level of arousal. The extension cord fell to the floor and he grabbed my hair roughly, guiding my mouth to him. "Lick it." I did so. I didn't have a choice. He watched me, moved me where he wanted attention.

His other hand came out of nowhere and he smeared my own blood and tears across my face. I shut my eyes, more tears making their escape, and wondered if my lip would need stitches.

"You're going to be my good little slut, JJ." He told me, and I shuddered. He grabbed my face and clamped his hand on my jaw painfully, forcing my mouth open. He invaded my mouth, choking me worse than my sobs had. "You're going to let me do whatever I want to you." I couldn't open my eyes. I almost didn't want to. I didn't want to know that it was Dee doing this to me. My lip throbbed and I could feel a rope of blood, presumably, dangling from my wound.

Dee pulled my mouth away from him and wiped my eyes. I peered up at his glazed expression. My chest ached, but my sobs had subsided.

"My pretty little whore." He whispered, his hand made it's way down my chin and left a streak of blood down my chest. He stared at me a moment, running his clean hand through my hair gently. "You're so obedient." He ran a thumb over the injury on my lip, making me hiss, but I didn't dare move away from his touch. He squeezed it and I gasped in pain. He stroked himself slowly, he squeezed my lip harder and twisted, eliciting a groan from my raw throat.

"Dee, please." I said breathlessly. His torture paused, but the hand working on him didn't. "Please stop." My voice broke and the warmth of my tears made it's way down my cheeks again. I couldn't take much more of this. All I wanted was for him to love me back, to want to be around me, to want to be with only me. This was, after all, my chance to win him over, but I was starting to question what I'd be willing to put up with for that. I realized I shouldn't have opened my fat mouth when I saw his fist.

He punched the side of my head, sending a hot stinging through the shell of my ear. I yelped and put a hand to my ear, the pain was so harsh that I couldn't feel my own touch.

"I'm sorry!" I cried, but he was already swinging at me again, he smashed my fingers against my head, I grabbed them in pain. He swung again, this time hitting me hard in the face, making my head jerk back. "I'm sorry! Dee, please, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I bowed my head, trying to avoid any more facial damage. He landed probably eight more blows before he stopped. His panting echoed around the room. I could feel where I would have lumps on my head, and that I was rapidly developing a black eye. I peered up at him from under my lashes while the world seemed to slow to stop. His face mirrored that first night, gaunt and pissed.

I couldn't believe that had just happened. I knew going in that he would be aggressive with me, but I didn't expect this. The tears were welling in me again, forcing me to choke them back. I wanted to scream at Dee that he had no right to lay a hand on me like that, I wanted to shove him away from me, I wanted to run. More than anything, I wanted to talk to Drake.

Dee had me by the hair again in a flash, he threw me down on the bed. The extension cord was in his hand, fear pumped through me. I didn't want him to use it on me, I whimpered nervously.

"You're going to be a good whore for me now, okay?" Dee told me. I could only nod, I couldn't say no. "Wrists." I held them up for him to wrap the cord around. He wrapped it tight, too tight for me to wriggle out of, it was nearly cutting off my circulation. He used one end, the female end, to bind me. He climbed onto the bed and pulled my legs up over his hips, he met my eyes while he gripped the cord around my wrists and held it down over my head. His deep green pools held me firmer than the orange makeshift rope ever could. "Grab the frame." He commanded. I held onto the wooden frame with both hands, he let go of my wrists. "You want me?" He asked, running his hand down my neck. I couldn't answer, because I didn't know. "Do you want me?" He said through gritted teeth, his hand wrapped around my throat. "Tell me."

"I want you." I breathed.

"Yeah?" He forced his fingers into my mouth. The salty flavor of his flesh burned my sore lip, it must be sliced open inside too. I counted myself lucky he didn't have a straight bite, or else he could have put a hole right through me. He prepped me roughly, sending the blood still in my body rushing south. I started feeling dizzy as my arousal accumulated, I must have lost more blood than I thought. Dee spit in his fist and lubed himself up quickly before pushing into me. I gritted my teeth against the pain, it had been a while since I had been with someone, Dee didn't seem to care. He moaned low and long, his head dropping back, eyes closed. "Jesus, you're tight."

"Dee-" I groaned, wanting more than anything for him to kiss me, for him to do something nice.

"You like how I feel inside you?" God, yes.

"I love how you feel, Dee." The hand he had around my throat tightened, cutting off the nutrients to my brain. My body immediately broke out in pinpricks. I felt drunk, it was amazing. Every nerve was tingling, making the pleasure even more intense as he took me in his hand. He pushed faster, deeper, I caught myself moaning so loud I thought I would tear my vocal cords, neighbors be damned. The room blurred, and I had the distinct feeling that I was rocking from side to side while Dee grunted above me. When I reached my orgasm I could feel it radiating through every fiber of my being, like I was hyper-sensitive. Peal after peal shook me, leaving me drenched.

Dee's hand joined the other around my throat and he put all his weight on my windpipe, I couldn't breathe. He kept on, groaning in appreciation while I gasped for breath. I brought my bound hands down to try to pull his hands off me so I could get some air.

"Dee-" I gasped, he tightened his grip further, I thought my eyes would pop out of my head. He was going to kill me. Dee was going to strangle me to death. His prints would be permanently pressed into my flesh, my chest was heaving, my lungs burning, while I clawed at his hands. My own hands were drained of strength, I couldn't pull him off me. He let go with one hand just to punch me with it. It was his left hand, so he didn't have as much strength behind it, but it hurt nonetheless. With my hypersensitivity from the lack of blood making it to my brain, it hurt more than it should have. "Stop-" I choked. I was blacking out, the room was spinning...

I could feel Dee's body slow, his breath caught in his throat as he reached his own oblivion. When he finished he released me and I gasped loudly, coughed, fighting to fill my lungs with each breath. The excess of oxygen left me dizzier than I had been when he was choking me out. Dee's body dropped on me heavily, trapping my arms between us. He clumsily untied my hands and rested his head on my chest.

"That was perfect." he murmured. I hesitantly ran my fingers through his hair, he didn't complain. In fact, he gazed up at me and said "Hold me, JJ." I cradled him in my arms, his eyes still on me. He brought a hand to my face, making me flinch. "It's okay." He whispered, caressing the swelling around my eye, the holes in my lip. "I really messed you up, I'm so sorry." My heart melted and I nuzzled into his hand.

"It doesn't matter." I mumbled, but the need to talk to Drake about this was growing in me. Not to tell him I had actually gone... all the way...

I had gone all the way with Dee. Dee had just...

"I love you." I blurted, and was instantly embarrassed. Since I had already made an ass of myself, I might as well finish what I wanted to say. "You should leave Ryo, Dee. If he wont do these things you need..." I didn't know where else to take this, "We should be together."

Dee seemed to ponder this for a moment.

"I love Ryo, JJ. _I love him_." My hopes fell a good ten stories. "I can't leave him, he's my soulmate."

"Then why wont he let you be _you_?" I asked desperately.

"He's just not this kind of person." Dee answered softly, his mind was elsewhere with Ryo. "He's different." I pressed him closely to me, squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could, trying to discourage the tears.

"Where is he tonight?" I asked.

"With Rose at some meeting."

"A meeting, huh?" I replied cruelly, letting my eyes open. I felt the need to hurt him. "I bet they're fucking."

"No," Dee started, then didn't seem so sure. "Ryo wouldn't, no." He shook his head, denial all over his face. He fought his way out of my arms. "I need to get home."

"It's not like they'd be doing it there." I sat up, watching sadly as his sweet body disappeared into his clothes. "Ryo's smarter than that. I bet they got a nice hotel room, Ryo seems like the type who'd only spread 'em on satin."

"You shut your mouth about Ryo." Dee glared at me, and the indignation I felt from all he had just done to me propelled me on my chosen course of action.

"Why should I?" I snapped. "If he's so perfect, what are you doing here with me? You know he's gotta be off banging Rose, when he's got to come home to _you_." Dee was on top of me again, pushing me down. I hate that he's bigger than me, I couldn't fight him off. He was six feet of angry, well-conditioned detective, I'm 5'7, and full to the brim with fear.

He had me by the wrists again, one in each hand, I tried unsuccessfully to twist out of his grasp. Then he was hitting me again, really going for it. I only had one arm free to shield my face, and it wasn't doing much good.

"Don't you talk about Ryo like that!" Dee was shouting between blows. "You could never be him!" The blur of his fist stopped pummeling me and I peeked at him, the left side of my face had definitely taken more than it wanted to. The heat under my skin told me I would be black and blue by morning. I was surprised at my lack of tears, after all that. "Get your hand-" Dee wrestled with me to pull my arm away from my face, to give him full view of what he had done to me. "Don't ever, _ever_ talk about Ryo like that again." His voice was hoarse. "Or I swear-" he made a fist again and I shrunk away from him as much as I could. "You filthy-" _whore_, I finished in my mind. "You disgust me." he grabbed me by the jaw and spit square in my face, forcing me to squeeze my eyes shut again. His fist made a quick connection again while I was blind and defenseless, for good measure. Dee's weight left my bed and I wiped my eyes, his saliva smelled of beer and cigarettes. I sat up slowly, watching Dee disappear into my bathroom to clean himself up.

The pit of my stomach dropped as I realized the weight of the ordeal I had just been through. Domestic violence. I had answered my fair share of calls about it at work, and now I knew what it was like on the other side of the phone. It felt way different from how it had always looked to me.

Now I understood the turmoil. I understood the helplessness.

"I should be by again tomorrow." Dee was saying from my full-body mirror, where he was arranging his clothes on himself. "I like my coffee black with two sugars." _Three_, I mentally corrected, he always added an extra spoon after the first sip. "See you at work." He glanced sidelong at me. "I hope you think up a great story." With that he left, slamming my front door.

I sat in my room, the silence was deafening. I wanted ice for the burning in my face, but I didn't have the will to move. _What do I do now?_ I wondered. There was no way I was going to work tomorrow, was there? His words rang through my mind, filling the silence. It was like breathing for him to call me horrible things, it came to him so easily. Surely I wasn't a whore... well, I was his whore now, I would just have to suck it up. I closed my eyes, pressed a cool hand to my swelling cheek. I wanted to see what I looked like, but at the same time I didn't think I would be able to even face my own reflection. It would make everything too real.

My hands shook, I needed to move even if I didn't want to. I stood unsteadily and managed to make it into the living room. The room was dark, except for the flashing of the muted TV. The light in my kitchen spilled across the foyer, I could make out the glittering of glass sprinkled in the walkway. When I stood in the doorway to my kitchen I could see traces of Dee's rummaging. A few cupboards were left half open, a few drawers as well. The plate he had broken appeared to have been thrown against the wall.

I leaned on the doorpost, lost in the forlorn state of my apartment, and the fact that it mirrored pretty closely the state of my soul right then.

Only one person would be able to comfort me at a time like this, so I called Drake, and I was bawling by time he picked up.

"JJ, are you okay?" He was asking, I couldn't answer, I was trying to hold back my sobs.

"I need you." I garbled. "Please."

"Are you home?" The panic in his voice soothed me.

"Yeah, he just left-"

"Be there in five minutes." Drake hung up and I hit end, covering my swollen face. I was so full of shame that I had called him, I had wanted to, but he would have to see me at the lowest point I had ever hit.

This was something I had never anticipated I would ever have to do. It tore me up to the core that I would have to admit to Drake, of all people, that I had allowed someone to abuse me so badly. I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and rocked myself on my couch, in tears the whole time I waited. I kept thinking to myself _It's okay, I'll be okay, Drake is on his way over-_

There was a sharp knock at my door.

* * *

I don't know how okay it is, writing this stuff. But I need to deal with some issues, clearly.

Read and Review, pleeeease. Not one review yet guys, please give me a piece of your mind!

-Aeopteryx


	5. Good Night

A/N- Btw I don't own FAKE, and the song lyrics I used earlier are not mine either, they belong to The Scissor Sisters.

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Good Night

**Drake's POV**

As soon as I got the call I left Bernie's and ran to JJ's apartment. All I knew was that something was very wrong. JJ doesn't often cry over being dumped, but when he did he really needed me there. My footfalls echoed sharply through the hum of the busy night streets. My mind raced with me all the way up the two flights of stairs, to the door. I knocked without hesitation, eager just to see him, to make sure he was okay. He answered quickly and kept his head bowed slightly so all I could see was the shine of tears. I came around the door, aching to console him.

"Are you okay, you sounded really upset-" I was more winded than I should be, it was going to give away all my worry. Then realized what I was looking at, the blood streaked across his face and chest, the puffiness around his eye, that lip- _No, not JJ,_ I couldn't be seeing this right. "JJ, wha-" I quickly snapped his front door shut and my stomach dropped to ground level from where I stood. Devastated. Before I knew what I was doing he was in my arms and I was squeezing him. His body shook with the force of his sobs while he clung to me. "What's his last name, JJ?" I heard myself whispering urgently, "Just his last name, I'll make him wish he was never born, I swear." For a moment I thought he might tell me, his body had relaxed slightly in my arms, but when I pulled him back enough to look me in the eye his were dull and resolute.

"I can't say." He grabbed me around the middle again. I didn't push the matter on him. I wanted to like no other, but he had been through enough without my prodding. That, and I didn't want him to let go of me. "I would tell you, I just can't." JJ looked up at me and I pushed his hair out of his eyes so I could see those crystalline irises again.

"Well, what happened?" I asked softly while I wiped his tears away. I examined his lip. It definitely looked like a bite mark.

"He bit me." JJ sniffled. It would have seemed almost silly if there wasn't blood mottling his alabaster skin from the wound.

"Jesus Christ. Let's get you cleaned up." I led him to the bathroom, where I had him sit on the closed toilet lid. He pointedly avoided his own reflection, which led me to believe he hadn't even looked at himself yet. I grabbed a washrag that was already wet and laying across the sink. There were dark stains on the cloth and I shuddered inside, imagining a disgusting faceless man wipe JJ's blood off himself. "Were you two fighting?" I asked, trying to mask the revulsion that had overwhelmed me while I rinsed it clean. The reddish swirls brought back dark memories, I shoved them away.

"No." He wouldn't meet my gaze.

"Do you not want to talk about it?" I offered.

"We were kissing, just kissing." JJ rasped.

"And he just-?" He nodded solemnly. I knelt in front of him, carefully taking his chin in my hand so I could assess the damage. Purple splotches had already spread over the top left quarter of his face. It was darkest in the corner of his eye near his nose. It was already nearly black, the color most of the marks would end up. I pulled back JJ's bangs a little and could see it splashed up his forehead. Not the worst I had ever seen but the fact that it was JJ ripped a fresh hole in my chest. I noticed his glassy eyes peering at me, oddly concerned. "Where are you, JJ?" I asked.

"I don't know what I did." I had heard this so many times, yet every time hurt just as badly as the last.

"You didn't do anything." I said quietly, trying to control my voice and focus on gently wiping the blood, tears, and who-knew-what-else off his beautiful face. "It wasn't you, JJ. This happened because whatever prize you're with this time is a sick, sick human being. Let me see the inside of your lip." He gingerly pulled his lip down, I could see the pain shoot through his brows, but he held steady without a sound. There was an inch-long crooked gash running along the tender pink flesh. "Shit. You might need stitches in that one."

"No." He said firmly, and I could see the agony make him tense. He let his lip go. "I'm not going to the hospital looking like this. You can't make me."

"Alright, okay. If you're not comfortable with that, I wont make you." I gazed at his sad, swollen features. It was agonizing how familiar this all felt, my eyes burned with subdued tears as I cleaned the streak of drying blood off his chest. This was the first instance, that I knew of, and if the guy was already this bad- It could only get worse so, of course, I say what I feel the need to say. "If you're not going to tell me his last name, I would really like you to report him. Or I could, anonymously, you can write it down and I'll promise not to look." _Don't push too hard_, I begged myself, _all that will do is make JJ distance himself from me_.

"I really can't do that." JJ said. "He has a family, it would tear his life apart."

"JJ." I shook my head, rinsed the washrag again. "I don't want to see you get killed over some guy. I-" I paused, desperately searching for the right words. "I care about you a lot." I watched his frown, so painfully close to setting a small kiss on the corner of it. The moment passed, and there was a brief flash in JJ's eyes that worried me. I hope he didn't notice my inner struggle to keep myself from attacking him in this vulnerable state. I cleared my throat. "Next time this happens, you call me. It will happen again, JJ. Don't think it wont."

"What would you be able to do?" JJ mumbled, dropping his eyes to his hands clamped between his knees.

"I'd be here in a heartbeat and I'd rip his fucking lungs out." I told him, lifting his chin so he could see I was not kidding. All my gesture did was make him look even more worried, if that was possible. I regretted saying it almost instantly. "Now, I'll go get some ice. Don't move." I hurried into the kitchen, wrapped cubes of ice in a paper towel and re-entered the bathroom to catch JJ twisting himself to see his own face in the mirror.

"Hey, none of that." I insisted, hurrying to him and guiding his face away from the reflection. The tears that had already dried were renewed with a vengeance while I pressed the cool package to his stained skin.

"I can't hate him, Drake." He took control of the bag of ice and I took his other hand between mine.

"I'm not asking you to." I murmured, rubbing my thumb over his light flesh, my eyes followed the veins in his hands to his wrists. I noticed the harsh pink coloration wrapping itself around them. "He did this too?" JJ nodded and his face started turning darker shades of pink. "Did he hurt you while you were..?" He nodded again and his hands started shaking with his shoulders, sobs jerked though him and I rubbed his arm compassionately, my heart ached seeing him in so much pain.

"I couldn't do anything!" He cried, "I couldn't breathe and he wouldn't let me go! And then he was just hitting me and yelling and I couldn't stop him!" He deteriorated into low moans. I tried to shake off the sudden faintness I got from the images in my head of JJ being choked across my parent's bed, my father on top of him, hands around his throat- I shook it off more forcibly, hating that my father was always the default. "He's bigger than me, and my hands, he's so much stronger, I thought he was going to kill me, I never knew how all those women felt-" He relapsed into hysterical, full-throated sobs he clearly had no control over.

"Shh," I purred, "You should get some rest, JJ. You've been through a lot tonight."

"And then I said something mean cause I was hurt that he was so mean to me and it just made it worse!"

"I know, JJ. I know how it gets." His hysteria subsided slightly while I helped him to his feet and into his bedroom.

"How can you possibly know?" JJ groaned, allowing me to sit him on his bed. I couldn't answer him, and I let my eyes tell him so. His eyes drifted over the sheets, rumpled and twisted. I followed his gaze and noticed small splatters of red.

"Is this where it all happened?" I asked, petting his rumbled yet still silky hair slowly. He nodded slowly.

"It was our first time." He sniffed loudly and when he looked up at me there was an intensity in his eyes I had only ever seen when he was immersed in work or Dee. "I ruined it. It was supposed to be special." I was at a loss for words, confused by this weird redirection of the conversation. It never failed to make me uncomfortable when JJ talked about having sex with guys, which he knew but never addressed. That was the way I liked it, he never drew attention to my blush or awkward naivete around the subject, and I never complained about hearing about it. I honestly didn't mind hearing about it, I've talked about girls and it was just as foreign to him as men were to me. We had an understanding on the subject, we'd listen so the other could get things off their chest and do our best to give advice.

"You gave consent though, right?" I asked, trying to tread carefully. JJ was silent, his nervous eyes moved from bed to me to floor and finally came to rest on the orange cord coiled in his sheets.

"I don't know anymore." I sat next to him, watched his matted eyelashes gather more moisture with every blink. The forgotten ice bag was still clutched in his hand, I gently raised his hand so the towel was once again covering his developing bruises. "I thought I did, but I'm not sure if I'm okay with what happened."

"Did he.." I took a long breath, "Did he rape you?"

"No, I don't think so, it was just so cruel." I let out my breath slowly, relieved. "I don't want to stay here tonight. I can still feel him in here." JJ shivered. I immediately stood and started digging through his dresser.

"You'll stay with me." I told him, picking his favorite shirt. He liked it for the flattering cut, because I had never told him that the forest green color brought out his eyes beautifully. Black slacks, black tie, dress socks. I handed him a tee from another drawer to put on now, helped him slip on his jacket and slippers, grabbed his work shoes and we were out the door.

JJ was silent most of the way to my apartment, his eyes stayed away from mine until we passed Bernie's. The bar was already closed for the night.

"Do you want to get a drink after work tomorrow?" He asked shyly. My heart pounded at the invitation. I cleared my throat nervously.

"Ah, sure. I mean, why not?" I forced my hands into my pockets so I could wipe the sweat off my palms inconspicuously.

"I just figure, you always ask me and last time I didn't even spend any time with you." He seemed down about it, so I nudged him playfully with my elbow.

"Well, I saw you and Dee talking I wanted to give you some space." His shoulders stiffened and I wondered what kind of nerve I had hit. He didn't talk for the rest of the way, leaving me to my imagination.

When we got into my own apartment JJ peeled his jacket off, kicked off his slippers and wandered to my couch.

"I'll sleep out here, so I wont bother you." He muttered.

"I don't have enough blankets to set you up out here, feel free to make yourself comfortable in my room. We'll both sleep in there, the bed's big enough." It was a lie, okay? I had enough blankets but I couldn't stand the thought of JJ tossing and turning on my worn-ass couch. He needed a good night's sleep and I would make sure he'd get it. Anyway, I don't need to explain myself to you. I led him to my bedroom, pulled back the sheets for him and watched him hesitantly slip in.

"You're sure this is okay?" He asked. "You're not uncomfortable sharing a bed with me?" I smiled patiently, pulling the sheets to his waist. He leaned back against the pillows and stared up at me, concerned, confused, touched.

"JJ, you're my best friend. I don't mind at all. I'll go grab my ice pack, get settled in."

"D- Do you mind of I take off my shirt? It's warm in here..." He trailed off and I waved a hand at him, trying my hardest to play it cool.

"Go for it." I left for my kitchen and when I pulled the gel pad out of my freezer I realized my hands were shaking. All these years JJ had been my partner and not once had he stayed in my bed, nor had I been in his. If we had too much to drink we generally passed out on each others respective couch, or the floor depending on whether or not it was tequila we'd been drinking. But then, all these years I hadn't felt for him the way I do now, that was the difference tonight, that was why my hands were shaking.

I took a few deep breaths on my way back to my room and came in to find a lovely sight. JJ had lain himself down, shirt on the floor, face nestled into not the pillow on his side, but the one on mine. His light hair was splayed across both pillows. I crept to my bed, fearful of waking him.

"Could you leave the bathroom light on?" JJ's voice murmured, making me jump.

"Whatever will make you more comfortable." I hurried to switch the light on as he asked and made my way around to my side of the bed. He blinked up at me without moving, so I assumed he wasn't going to be moving off my pillow, but I didn't mind that in the least. "I brought this, you can just set it-" I set it myself on the marks that glared up at me. "Let me get ready for bed." I went around to the other side of the bed and undressed in a flurry, keeping an eye angled at JJ to make sure he wasn't sneaking peeks. I was oddly disappointed when he didn't budge, and kept his back to me the whole time. I watched his prone figure for a moment after pulling my work shirt off, my fingers grazed the four scars on my chest, the one on my diaphragm. My thoughts roamed over JJ's slim frame and I wondered if he would think I had an attractive body. I wondered if he would ask me about my scars if he ever saw them... if he would kiss them and run his fingertips over them, murmuring words of comfort as a few women had over the years.

I shook the thoughts out of my head, forcing back my blush, and pulled my tank top on.

"Do you mind if I sleep in my boxers?" I asked. He shook his head no, not saying a word. I glanced at the window and met JJ's eyes in the reflection. He immediately burrowed his head in between the pillows and made a soft sound. My face burned, he had seen everything. I prayed he couldn't have made out the scars in the reflection and rushed into the bed. JJ backed away from me a little, presumably giving me space. I lay flat on my back focusing all my energy on the ceiling.

"I didn't mean to look." Came his melancholy voice near my head. "Habit, I mean, it's not every day..." he drifted off and I glanced at him to see if he had fallen asleep only to meet his eyes directly, his face was just as red as mine. "I'm sorry, I know you're straight, so... I didn't see the harm in looking but I feel bad, y'know. I feel dirty." He must not have noticed the scars, I sighed with relief.

"Don't worry about it." I swallowed. "I would have done the same thing in your situation." I wanted to slap my hand to my forehead in embarrassment after that confession.

"If I was a woman?" JJ offered.

"Sure." It was silent and I felt stupid for agreeing, all I was doing was making myself readily unavailable to him. Letting him point out to both of us that I like women was only hurting my chances of ever... ever what? Being with him? I don't even know what I want. I flipped off the lamp to distract from the tension. "You sure you're okay to go to work tomorrow?"

"I'm no coward." JJ said quickly, then fumbled over himself. "I mean, what does it matter? I'll say I got in a bar fight."

"I guess." We both fell silent and it became comfortable once again.

"Thanks for all this, Drakey." JJ whispered, and moved in closer. He pecked me on the cheek and retreated to his own pillow again before I could blink. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight JJ." I watched the shadows of his eyes roll closed under the ice pack and a couple minutes later he was breathing deep and slow, fast asleep. I carefully removed the pack to see the swelling had be staunched, I set the pack on my nightstand and watched him sleep.

After a while, possibly twenty minutes of sleeplessness on my part a muscle in his arm twitched and his jaw clenched, I dutifully rolled onto my side and brushed a few strands of hair behind his ear, I could feel the familiar lumps on his head where he had been hit. I knew those too well. He whined a little, his breath became forceful and his brow was knotting up. It must be a nightmare. "It's okay, JJ." I whispered. I allowed my fingertips to linger at his lobe, traced a lazy arch to his jaw, and even ventured to run my knuckles up his collar bone to his shoulder, to the muscle that had twitched in his bicep.

His nightmare seemed to quiet down, the serene look overtook his features once again and I broke out in a sweat.

This was a kind of chance I had never had before. I caressed his neck and prayed he wouldn't wake up before I could do what I had been longing to do for so long now. My stomach was twisting with nerves, I had never even done anything like this with any girl I'd been with, it was all new to me. I moved just a little closer, close enough to brush my nose over his cheek. My heart raced again, making my blood boil as I very, very gently lifted his chin so I could-

I met his lips with mine and a sharp pain hit me hard in the chest, I wanted nothing more than to protect my Jemmy. I would find this man, this faceless piece of shit. No one, not even JJ himself could stop me. My heart pounded through my head while I pulled away from his soft, warm mouth. A sweet smile slipped across JJ's sleeping face and he shifted, stretching slightly and rolling to face away from me.

"Mmm, that was nice Drakey." He slurred in his sleep, and his breath returned to its easy pattern. I tenderly laid my hand on his hip and felt the darkness washing over me.

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A/N: sorry for another short chapter, I had to rewrite it in Drakes POV, :) I meant the story to be about Dee, gee I wonder who I really sympathize with?

R&R pleeeease! Let me know how I'm doing here, folks.


	6. Marks

Marks

**JJ's POV**

I kept my chin up. The walk to work from Drake's apartment was slightly longer than I was used to, and the only thing that kept it from making me uneasy was the occasional brush of Drake's knuckles against mine. It soothed me more than a hug would have. I drew stares, which I tried to ignore. That was made harder when I realized that Drake was also drawing stares, only because he was walking with me. Everyone's thoughts seemed to have been projected into my mind, I could almost hear them screaming their assumptions that Drake had done this to me. It was unbearable.

The entrance to the office was the worst. The women behind the entry desk stared, whispered. I didn't want to go into the Detective's Office. I didn't want the whole room to turn and stare like I knew they would.

I didn't want the extra attention, or their questions. I stopped outside the door, staring at the milky glass that no one could see through. Drake gave my shoulder a tender squeeze and whispered encouraging words I couldn't recall the instant after I nodded. I put my hand on the nob and breathed a few more lungfuls of relaxed air before the swarm I knew would come with the opening of the door. The hinges didn't make a sound and the air left me the instant the first set of eyes hit me. They were Ryo's, and he stood, mouth open. Dee twisted in his seat, slightly doe-eyed. His eyes were only on mine for a second before he lowered them to my shoes, not lowering his head a bit so Ryo thought he was still taking in my state.

Ryo was the first to get to me, his hurried movements caught Ted's attention, James'. They looked, they followed. Drake set a hand on my lower back, and my throat burned. This is it, relax, I can handle a few questions, no problem.

"My God, JJ, what happened?" Ryo asked, and I couldn't answer for a moment. Dee had followed him to listen to my made up story about a bar fight, he glowered at me with his attentiveness. I grimaced, lied through my teeth, tried not to see his analytical looks. I tried to ignore the realization that he was making sure I didn't slip in my story.

"You should see the other guy." I heard myself say from someplace far away. I met Dee's eyes hesitantly. The other guy was right here, unscathed, staring me down. Ryo covered his mouth and cocked his body in disbelief. He took in my lip, bit by his lover, the bruises made by his boyfriend's fist, unaware of these facts. For a moment, I hated Ryo. I hated him so much I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell that it should be_ him_ coming to work looking like this. It should be _him_ feeling all this shame, all this embarrassment, all this hurt.

"It must have been some fight!" Ted was saying, James was silent because he doesn't know me well enough yet to comment.

"We were lucky to have been outside already, the last thing I needed was to have the late shift called on me!" I grinned uneasily. I felt sick lying so blatantly. Ryo shook his head, brows furrowed, and I knew I hadn't quite convinced him. What's worse was that Dee could tell too. He tightened his lips and I felt my heart pound, worry flooding me. He was dissatisfied with my performance. What would he do to me for this?

Ted seemed satisfied with my story, he laughed it off, James followed him back to their desks. They spoke quietly to each other, glancing in my direction, expressions sour. They must not believe me either. Why was this so hard? Drake waved the others away from me and I thanked him with a short smile. Dee slunk back to his desk behind Ryo. Drake led me to our desks, I tried to work. I couldn't stop myself from looking over at Dee every now and again. He hadn't said a word to me. He hadn't shown me an ounce of guilt or regret. This was my place, and his avoidance was just another painful reminder that I am the other man again. I don't get the good side of Dee, the side I want. I get the leftover filth he doesn't want Ryo to see.

But Dee seemed distracted as well. Ryo talked at him for a long time after my arrival, Dee just frowned and listened. I wondered what he was saying to get such a low expression from Dee, or if the look had anything to do with Ryo at all. I felt like Dee was mulling over our situation, like he was trying to decide what to do with me. As terrible as I looked and felt because of him, I felt worse imagining that he was thinking of how to break it off with me.

I couldn't focus on work. I couldn't breathe. I hated not being able to hear what everyone was saying about me, I assumed the worst. "What's JJ gotten himself into now? He's bringing this on himself." Ryo must be saying, and he didn't even know that this was supposed to be him. If Dee had lost control on him rather than me, _he'd_ be the one trying to explain away the bruises. He'd be the one trying to blot out the images of Dee's enraged face between the blurs of his fist landing over and over again-

The panic attack caught me unsuspecting. I was sweating, my breath grew more and more difficult, Drake was asking if I was okay but I couldn't answer because I felt like Dee was strangling me again, and that thought made it even worse. Death was riding my shoulders, I was going to suffocate in the middle of work. I was shaking when I looked at my hands, and Drake escorted me to the men's room, where he wet a paper towel and pressed it to my face, dabbing and speaking gently to me until the dizziness and sweats went away.

"Maybe you shouldn't have come in today." Drake murmured when I had my wits about me again. "This was too much pressure to put on you so soon."

"I'm okay." I lied. I didn't want to go out there again. I didn't want to see Dee, who didn't have a scratch on him, despite how I had tried to fight. I didn't want to see Ryo's oblivious face.

"I'll pick up the slack, you should take it easy today. Just spend some time to yourself." He was trying to help, and I appreciated it, but the last thing I wanted was to be alone anywhere in the Precinct. I had to suck it up, keep up appearances. No one could know about my fear of being caught alone with Dee when he was freshly upset with me for not pulling off the lies he had demanded.

"Okay." I answered softly, and I felt he could see right through me, the way he peered at me so sharply.

"Is it?" He asked, to be sure. "You have to let me know, JJ. If you don't want to be alone, just tell me."

"I'll be fine." I replied, more easily.

Drake looked me over again before nodding slowly and putting a hand on my arm, his hand was so warm, so gentle. He didn't need to give me any more words, I felt his patience, his... love? I met his eyes, seeking what I thought I had felt. His eyes avoided mine and I was sure I had been mistaken. Drake was straight. Straight. If I needed love so bad I had to continue reaching for it from the familiar, from men who wanted men. From Dee. Not someone who could never feel the same. Maybe Dee couldn't ever love me back, as he claimed, but Drake couldn't even consider it. I was sure he couldn't even consider sleeping with me. Because he was straight. And I couldn't change that.

I repulsed myself, imagining if I ever tried to make things into more with Drake. He would pull away, he would frown, tell me I had misread him. He would be disgusted with me. It would be awkward, he would abandon me. This last thought hurt the most. I couldn't feel for him like that, it would scare him away. Even if he was willing to share his bed with me, to comfort me, make me breakfast, we couldn't go any further. Despite the warmth I had gotten in my chest when I had woken up in the middle of the night with his arm slung over me, despite how I couldn't help tracing his wrist bone and keeping perfectly still so he wouldn't wake and move away from me. He couldn't be any more than this for me, a comforting presence, a caring friend.

His eyes bore into mine, he couldn't know what I was thinking, I didn't know what I was thinking, this whole train of thought was stupid. So I turned it off, redirected, and tried to figure out how I could make it up to Dee for my failed stories.

"JJ, do you really plan on seeing him again?" Drake's question snapped me back to where we were. I see Dee every day, how do I have a choice? The door's slam, Dee's words about how he likes his coffee echoed back to me. I had plans with Dee tonight. And I had made plans with Drake to go to the bar.

Shit.

I shut my eyes. Could I even ask Dee to wait a couple hours before coming over? Was I allowed that much? Especially after ruining the lies? I nodded in answer to Drake's question.

"Why?" He implored of me, eyebrows knotted up with worry.

"I have to." I answered honestly. "I don't have a choice." Drake must have understood that on some level, because he didn't push me anymore. He looked away from me, bit his lips like he would cry and I felt horrible. He worried for me so much, he must feel so helpless and I was putting him in that place. "I'm sorry." I whispered, and pushed past him to get out the door.

I hurried up to the roof and stood there in the sun until my shirt was nearly soaked through with sweat. Only after I could feel it sticking to my back, feel the salt stinging my eyes, did I even loosen my tie. I would have to remember to tighten my collar again before anyone saw me, there was no way they'd believe I was in a bar fight if they saw the strangulation marks around my neck. The door slammed open and I didn't have to turn to know it was Dee.

He had found me. I shut my eyes and listened to his approaching footsteps.

**Dee's POV**

It was easy enough to find JJ. He stood near the edge of the building, just his fingertips touching the corner of the low, wide wall, as if he might blow away.

He didn't turn when I came closer, he knew it was me.

"Not the best bullshit I've ever heard." I said without coming level with him. I stopped about six feet behind him and pulled off my tie, unbuttoning a few buttons to keep from suffering too much in the heat.

"I know." He answered quietly, and bowed his head slightly, exposing dark red marks on the back of his neck from my fingers. I wanted to bite them, but he was too sweaty to even touch. "This is really hard, Dee." I moved closer, I knew he was listening to my movements, I could tell in the tense way he held his shoulders. He was frightened of me. That was the way I wanted it. That would keep him quiet, keep him obedient and available. "Drake knows that it wasn't a bar fight." Fear tickled the back of my neck, and I almost grabbed him and spun him to tell me to my face that he had betrayed my trust. That he had spilled to his partner about us. "I told him it was my imaginary boyfriend." I let out a slow breath, only slightly relieved. "I didn't know what else to tell him, he cares so much."

"You could have gone for something less obvious." I muttered. "The whole precinct will know by tomorrow." I gave him an irritated tone, because I couldn't hold it in. He was supposed to smile like nothing, pass it off. He was not supposed to let on in the slightest. Now Drake is going to be watching him closely, trying to pull him away from this 'boyfriend.'

"He wont tell anyone." JJ answered with complete confidence. "I've asked him not to, and he'll respect that." It was silent a moment and I pocketed my tie. "How did my story go with Ryo?"

"He doesn't believe it was a bar fight." I informed him. "I know Ryo's pretty perceptive, but even I could have seen through you. God knows what Ted and James think." This came out more casually than I'd expected, JJ seemed taken aback by my tone and he finally turned just enough to look back at me. There were tears in his eyes, they almost masked the fear, but not quite.

"I don't want Drake to find out. He can't find out." His lips were trembling and he crossed his arms and turned so I could see all I had done to him. "I don't want him to know it's you. He wanted me to file a report-"

"Maybe you should have kept your mouth shut about it being your 'boyfriend' then."

"I couldn't help it, Dee. I needed him after you- I would have done whatever you wanted, you didn't have to be so mean-" I lunged at him and he backed up, fell back to sit on the wall and I pushed him down onto the concrete hard. He gripped my empty shoulder holster and wrapped his legs around my hips in a panic. I held him down by the shirt collar so his head would hang over the edge.

"This is _not_ my fault! If you had kept your fucking mouth shut and left Ryo out of it, I wouldn't have had to get so mean, would I?" I demanded.

"Please, please, let me up-" He panted, eyes wide.

"Would I!" I roared, slamming him down again, to drive it home.

"No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please-" He begged, tears streaming. I let him up and he slid to the floor of the roof, shaking and sobbing. His discolored features, smeared with tears, were threatening to excite me again, so I looked away and sat next to him. The last thing I needed to do was fuck him here and have someone catch us. I put my head in my hands and saw images of Ryo's eyes widening, his mask going up again and him turning to leave me without a word. JJ's sobs were getting to me. What I wouldn't give to feel his tight throat around me-

"Stop crying." I commanded, lifting my head to look at him. He sniffled and tried to stop. The frantic way in which he was clutching his chest and shirt was almost more arousing than the pink rimming his eyes and staining his cheeks.

"Can I go?" He asked me in a raw voice. "Can I go, please, I just want to go back inside." He wanted to get away from me, that's what he wanted. I could be okay with that, remove the temptation. But tonight he wont be able to get away, and I would make him just as beautiful as he was right now.

"I'll allow it." I said easily, lighting a cigarette. "Tonight you'll have to earn it, though. I don't usually reward in advance."

JJ's face went tight with fear, I just grinned my grin at him.

"Dee, I completely forgot I had promised Drake I would have a beer with him after work tonight. You can come with us, if you want. I mean, if that's okay with you." I frowned hard at him. This was not how I had planned the evening to happen. I was supposed to spend some time alone to plan, and when I got to JJ's he would have my coffee for me, and he would do as I told him.

I did not want Drake looking too closely at me. Not when I would be able to feast my eyes on JJ, not with all this so close to the surface. The anger made my stomach hot and I took a slow drag, watching JJ's pleading eyes.

"Alright. But, you will be punished for changing the plan on me without my permission." I gripped his wrist and pulled it to me, he didn't fight at first.

"I just asked you're permission-" He didn't fight until I pressed the cherry of my lit cigarette into the tender flesh on the underside of his arm. JJ gasped and tried to pull away, I squeezed his wrist harder and watched him squirm. His agonized face was more glorious than I had ever seen it. JJ's eyes were glazed over with pain, his mouth wide open in shock. He was gasping to keep from screaming, legs twisting, fists clenched. I tossed his arm back at him when I was done.

"Permission granted." I mumbled. He held his arm and stared at me, bewilderment at the heart of his trembles, right alongside the pain. I tossed the bent cigarette away and lay my head back against the stones to light another. His voice was a high-pitched squeak when he finally spoke.

"Oh my God, Dee-" The door snapped open and Ryo came toward us, and I was not allowed to enjoy the crack in his voice on my name. JJ quickly pulled his sleeve down to hide what I had just done and wiped his eyes.

"Dee." Ryo smiled, the sun highlighted his hair so perfectly and I smiled back, stood to greet him with a kiss. "I knew you'd be up here."

"Here we are." I answered, taking a quick drag. Ryo looked down at JJ, who had not stood when he came out. I touched his shoulder and that was all the encouragement he seemed to need. He stood and I realized my mistake. Ryo's eyes connected with the marks around JJ's neck and he gave JJ a surprised look. If JJ had stayed down there, Ryo might not have even noticed.

"JJ." Ryo hesitated and glanced at me, licking his lips. "Dee told me you have a new boyfriend." JJ glanced at me too and nodded shortly. "I was wondering if you two would like to come over to dinner sometime."

"Oh." JJ breathed, and was careful not to look at me again, like a good boy. "I don't think that will work out." JJ shrugged, "He's really busy most of the time." Ryo glanced at me with that pained look he gets when he knows he's being lied to but can't outright say anything because he's too damned polite.

"Okay, I just thought, you know. It's an open invitation, so, anytime." JJ nodded and lowered his eyes, shoulders slumping. Ryo turned to me pointedly. "Dee, there's a breakthrough in our case, we got an anonymous tip, I'd like to talk to you about it."

I tried not to roll my eyes at him and his fucking case. I put out my cigarette and he led me into the stairwell, leaving JJ on the roof.

"Someone called in saying they witnessed two gunmen fleeing the scene, so it might not be the cousin from D.C. after all, unless there's a connection there." Ryo was saying on the way down the stairs. Then he stopped and turned to look at me. "Dee, I'm really worried about JJ."

"What's to be worried about?" I shrugged, playing as unconcerned as I could. "He got into a bar fight, what's a guy to do?"

"I think it's pretty clear what's going on with him." Ryo said dubiously, almost glaring at me and I nearly vomited all the nerves I was feeling just then. "He's being abused by this new boyfriend he has. And it looks pretty bad. Can you not see it?"

"Well, now that you mention it." I left it open because I knew Ryo would continue.

"As bad as it is now, you saw it, and we weren't seeing anything like this with him before. These things escalate fast, and if the guys this bad already..." His voice drifted off while he was consumed by his concern. "How much worse will it get before we're called in to investigate when they find his body or something?"

_I would never kill JJ_, I almost blurted out. _He's the savior of our relationship_. Before I could reply, Ryo's phone rang. I saw Berkeley's number flash on the screen as Ryo checked it. He hesitated and glanced at me before answering.

_Nothing's going on_. I told myself. _Ryo's not cheating on me. _But he turned away from me to take the call so I couldn't hear Rose.

"Hey, Berkeley." He answered. He paused, listening. "That thing we talked about?" He glanced back at me and away quickly and I could feel the rage building in my shoulders. "Yeah. Okay. I'll meet you there then. At 8:00, perfect." He hung up and glanced at me before continuing down the stairs, expecting me to follow, and I did. Meeting, where? At 8:00? Why? I tried not to show that the call had disturbed me. This was the fourth "meeting" Ryo was to have with Rose, and what could it possibly be that would make Ryo so secretive? I wanted to grab him, I wanted to demand he tell me, shake him until he did. But I didn't. I didn't dare to touch him, because if I did and I found out something I didn't want to know, I would lose complete control. And there was no guarantee I would be able to redeem myself after that.

We sat at our desks, not speaking, Ryo hardly glancing up at me. He made an effort not to, as if he felt guilty or something.

The clock ticked down until the end of the shift. Closer and closer by the minute to me getting my hands on JJ, alone in his apartment.

* * *

A/N: Here is the new version of this chapter, I promise not to make it a habit of re-opsting like this, I just really needed to fix this one.

Also- WTF is Ryo doing, now?


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